It has been a while. Too long. My first year at Alfred was an overall bad and good experience. First semester was hard for me, not because of the classes but because I found myself alone amongst a group of new people. Days were spent doing homework and watching netflix, while nights were spent on the computer, chatting away. The problem wasn’t that I was not making any kind of connection with anyone, but that I just didn’t care to take that any further. I robbed myself of any type of college experience. And all of this would have been fine if i was working in the mean time but that wasn’t the case. I did extremely well in my classes, but the importance of that seems to lesson as I reflect on it.
Not to say the entire semester was a waste of time, I set myself high among the pack in my classes, showing everyone what I got. I also found a love for architecture. As my final project for my painting studio we had to incorporate architecture into a painting that extended out of a 32x40 piece of paper. My painting I can say with confidence was one of the best in the class. From then on my assignments reflected in this concept.
Second semester is when things really picked up and I started enjoying Alfred. I found myself with a small group of friends and I spent less time in the dorm. As the weather improved I spent more time outdoors, exploring the campus, and spent more time in the studios. Outside of my group I had other people I started to hang out with and bond, and even managed to hit up a few parties at the end of the year. The grades did slip a little but it was well worth it.
At the end of the year I had bittersweet feelings about leaving. Now that I has having fun if was unfortunate to go, but with the anticipation of a friend coming home and getting away from my horrible roommate I was pumped for the summer.
And now that summer is here I want to go back, I miss having everything I need being within walking distance, i miss the people I have met, having assignments to do and kicking ass in classes. The summer has so far been lonely, but fairly productive. Besides a 5 hour shift a few times a week I spend most of my days in my room, painting and thinking. This normally would be difficult to deal with but with the loss of a very good friend it has made this even harder on me.
But with this loss I am now open to a stronger connection with the people I have neglected. I have been hanging out and talking with friends from high school that I never saw outside of a class setting before. I am extremely optimistic for the future. Thinking time has been shifting into a new focus, which is myself and figuring out who I really am. This next year is when it is all going to come together, I can feel it. I am going to finally polish off the person I have been working towards being. In order to get to this I plan to fall out of love with others and fall back in love with myself. Over 2 years ago I was more independent than anyone I knew, and I cannot wait to get back to that place. I can see myself becoming more confident than ever and honing in on this architectural painting thing.
Right now I feel I am nowhere near that place. But this is MY time and with that I am going to get my shit together, move the fuck on and leave my first year of school behind me. The journey is far from over but I can see a light.
Finally there has been something on my mind lately, something that after a small harmless discussion with a friend has really been making me think a lot about. That something is Toronto. I decided NOT to apply to RIT for junior year becaue I think where I really want to be instead is Toronto. I want to establish myself there now so that after college I can stay. Only time can really tell what these next three years will be like. But whatever may happen I am so pumped for.
I am happy to be back people.
LOVE,
Renee
