BED

SO tired.

Wish i had some motivation to do my work tonight but unfortunately its going to have to wait. Today i had gotten a lot of my charcoal drawing finished as well as about half of my still life done. The charcoal one is due tomorrow but I'm not concerned, I'm sure i can get it done during class. And as for my essay that was due today, waiting another day wont hurt much as long as i have it in by Thursday.

The next few days are going to be really crazy, I'll worry about it tomorrow though. Time for bed!

I Vow...

Never to used a projector again.



It compromises my work and doesn't allow for me to improve.



Plus i dont want it to screw me later on

4:11am

So i have to get up for school in 2.5 hours
I cant sleep
I have nothing to do
This is a problem

So instead of getting some rest I have decided to just sit here and stare at my painting that's on the floor. I did it a few days ago and hadn't liked it. It's a self portrait made up of a rich blue background with light paints on top. I went back to my safety painting method and used the acrylic paint like water color. I hate it when i turn to that. But from a distance, with it sitting upside down, and in the dark it is actually very interesting to look it.

Lets try to get some sleep now...

I Want It To Sell

SO

I feel the need to work on a project.

Like full blown project . One that i just cannot get enough of and by the time its done nobody else can either.

I want it to be BIG
I want it to SHOCK
I want it to make you cry
I want it to make you laugh
I want it to tell a story
I want it to have marvelous colors
I want it to win awards
I want it to give me a name

I Want It To Sell

CAD Class

So I'm in my computer design class and oddly enough everyone else is still working and I'm all done. Usually I'm the one that is always behind but for whatever reason orthographic drawings have always come easy to me. In 8th grade i remember my teacher telling me i was the only person to ever get a 108% on that test. Maybe its my calling. Too bad this entire thing is such a bore.

For a while i really wanted to go into architectural drawing. Part of me still does.

Hey maybe if art doesn't work out...

What a shitty day

All day long i have been feeling very tired, very unsettled and extremely lazy. The only thing i want to do is sleep.

Oh well time for work =/

So much better now

Got out and cleared my head, showered.



Now I'm watching some stand up and drawing in my sketchbook.



Best way to end any night.

Sooo....

Kind of just dawned on me that i would like to be anywhere other than my house at the moment. I just started thinking about all that needs to be done in the next month and it is really stressing me out.

-College apps
-x-mas shopping
-Senior project product
-do a kick ass piece for scholastic.
-6 day weeks at my new job

I am preparing myself for a pretty decent breakout.

Now I'm just trying to find something to get me out of the house and out of my head.

Arting time =)

Going to work on my superhero!

Feeling a little off

Wasn't in school Friday, have been working a lot since then. So i haven't been doing anything art related in 3 days. I really dint like that. But tomorrow school starts again, i got my AP art class, then almost a week off of school to do what i want.

YES

I'm definitely back in the arting game. I have been antsy all day long to get to last block so i can work. And it feels so good to have those feelings again.

I decided my superpower is melting. As i was working a classmate had told me it would be a neat idea not to have my clothes melting along with my body. After this I'm going to take that idea and have a head shot image were one side of my face is melting over my t-shirt. I love my peers.

Almost Done

Critique today on our self portrait. Overall very nice reviews and very few suggestions on what i should fix. I'm thinking by tomorrow I'll declare it finished.

Next up: Superhero portraits

Moving up

Over a week ago i had an interview for a customer service position in Wegmans. Today i found out i got it. I should be happy, and i am, but i am a little nervous. I don't like not knowing what I'm doing and i can already tell that there is so much that needs to be learned. So i can defiantly see myself getting really frustrated.

But cashiering is driving me crazy so i needed this.

I painted this morning

It didn't work out.

I'll try again later.

Frustrated

This is the worst possible point for me to have a creative breakdown. Nothing interests me, i cannot keep any focus and i have absolutely no vision. I'm feeling distracted by something.

Now more then ever is when i should be working, and to be producing works that can get me into a good school. And based on what i have been working on i don't see any art school in my future.

I need to get out of this, now.

It's time for me to reevaluate my life and make change, find that distraction and eliminate it.

Veterans Day

I love days off from school. I always feel like i need to make up for the fact that I'm missing classes so my day usually ends up being very productive. I cleaned my room, did all my laundry, and rearranged furniture. It feels so good to do that, it almost feels like i am reorganize my life.

I must say the new furniture arrangement has given the space great flow. Something i can really work in again.

English Class

So we had just begun a gender unit in class where we are looking into gender identity and sexual orientation. I think this could really get me into my concentration and start me off with some neat ideas. We also have been looking at transgender/transsexual people a little as well, something i have not thought too much about. It interests me and i would really like to take my homosexual theme a little further into that direction.

In the beginning of the year Mr. Stephens had shown the class some concentrations from the years before. The ones that i took to the most interest to had a message attached to it, or just a well explored subject.

I think my favourite concentration subject was by the girl who had looked into Greek mythology. I knew if i was to talk to that girl about her work she would really have a story behind every one of her pieces. And I love that, i feel that a subject like that you can really run with and that's what i would really like to happen with this set of work.

In the next 2 weeks i should seriously start looking into my theme, updates will follow.

What I'm up to for tonight...

So I've decided not to get a good night sleep as originally planned and instead I'm updating my play list. After losing everything that was on my old computer i never really made an attempt to get my music back. And in order to block a few people out and enter my own space in class i felt this was really important to have.

I have been listening to "Kick, Push" by Lupe Fiasco a ton tonight. I'm not too fond of the song but i really love the lyrics. Mostly for these few lines...

"He said I would marry you but I'm engaged to these aerials and variables
And I don't think this board is strong enough to carry 2
She said bow I weigh 120 pounds, now
Lemme make one thing clear I don't need to ride yours I got mine right here."

I inspire to be that kind of girl...

My Next Self Portrait

Today i had begun my self portrait (for the 3rd time) and I'm actually liking it a lot. My problem with the first 2 was that i had a vision for them as a painting. So seeing how i cannot do anything but color pencil i was unhappy with the piece right from the beginning.

So i redirected myself, looked at some artists' work online, and now i have an idea of what i want to achieve with this project. And so far its going as planned.

I am very happy.

Ick

So...

Mr. Stephens saw the urban piece this morning.

First thing he started talking to me about is how i haven't been getting into my work lately. He said i was just going through the motions at this point and i don't have any interest in what i am doing anymore.

All of this i knew.

But having someone notice enough to say something just really put me down.

So after talking for a little what we did was put it on photo shop, played around with some stuff and cropped it. What ended up happening was about 90% of the work was cut out and now I'm left with these two tiny pieces.

As long as he is happy i suppose...

Urban Drawing

Just about to work on finishing my urban color pencil drawing piece, looks to me like its gunna be a long night...

updates on how it goes tomorrow, or maybe even in a few hours.

Feeling Pretty Relieved

S.S. Essay finished and handed in, English revisions handed in, feels pretty good to get those out of the way.

Allowed for me to paint this morning without those in the back of my head.

Speaking of which i started an artist tradeing card project. Just going to make a bunch of these cards and put together a book of them. The best part of this idea is that i can work on them durring classes.

SCORE

Need to Catch up

Last Monday officially marked the beginning of my senior laziness. Up until then everything was handed in on time and i have been getting decent grades. But instead of doing what i should be doing Ive decided to put them off until tomorrow so i can work on painting. But seeing how i do not end up doing them and i cannot commit to a piece i have come to the conclusion that I'm just fucked. Now I'm stuck with all these assignments and about 6 unfinished paintings.


What i need done by Friday (end of the marking period)...

-Revise (for the 2nd time) my senior project research paper
-Law and justice essay
-All the math shit i missed 2 Fridays ago
-Figure out how to finish up my still life
-Push through the rest of my urban drawing
-Do the list of CAD drawings i have fallen behind on

What i need done sometime soon...

-Clean my room (cannot work in this environment)
-Conceptualize and start my self portrait



Just have to suck it up and focus this week... need these grades... need to get into a good art school!